Star Wars: McQuarrie Signature Series - Concept Darth Vader and Stormtrooper

I don't know why I bought these. I'm so over Star Wars figures. Yeah, I'm still buying Stormtrooper/Sandtrooper/Biker Scouts. One can never have too many of those. I'd even be pumped if they finally announced a TIE Fighter Pilot or Snowtrooper in the new 30th Anniversary aesthetic. But other than that, Star Wars figures are just "meh" to me. Weird.

The Stormtrooper is a decent enough representation of the original McQuarrie painting, but just like the Darktrooper it's just only a step above a 3 3/4 inch statue. It has articulation at the hips, shoulders, neck, one wrist, and the elbows rotate left/right. The head isn't even on a ball joint. The shoulders have the same full articulation that is standard for current Star Wars figures, but since the elbows and wrists are so limited, it's really kind of wasted.

Darth Vader is by far superior in terms of articulation. It has all full articulation at the ankles, knees, wrists, shoulders, and a ball jointed head. They elbows are of the "45 degree" type, but I don't mind these because you don't have to worry about an ugly ball joint in the middle of the arm. He comes with a blue light saber and a laser pistol that fits in a hip holster (not seen because...well, dammit, Darth Vader doesn't use blasters.)

A nice bonus is that Darth Vader comes with two different heads.

However, I don't really have the inclination to try and figure out which head comes from what source. It's not that I can't...I probably have more books on McQuarrie's concept art than most fans (or more than is healthy for a normal human being to have)...it's that I just don't care.

Transformers: Generation 1 Perceptor

I didn't have a whole lot of Transformers as a kid. I can probably count the ones I had on two hands. That's not because I was deprived, I wasn't. I got a new Star Wars figure every Friday from my dad for a few years, and I got a crapload of GI Joe stuff later on (including my pride and joy, a Cobra Night Raven, which is currently undergoing restoration.) I liked Transformers a lot, I just didn't ask for them, so I didn't get many.

Perceptor was one of the few TFs in my collection and, unfortunately, he did not survive the Great Garage Sale Purge. I haven't really thought about him much, despite my growing TF collection. Maybe it's because he's a G1 figure, and to be honest, I'm not much of a G1 fan when it comes to the toys. But I came across this figure a few months ago and the price was right, so I got him. He's only missing two of his three missiles and the joint on one of his shoulders is a little damaged, but other than that, he's in great condition. (And if anyone has a junker Perceptor with a good shoulder joint or a few spare Perceptor missles, drop me a line.)

Yeah, its true, he turns into a microscope...

...a microscope that could kick your ass!

Wal-Mart Exclusive Masterpiece Starscream: A Photo Essay

Oh, I love him so much. Y'all just don't know.
Here's a nice "pad" shot of him:

Here's a shot with him holding the Megatron gun that comes with Masterpiece Optimus:

And one with his Classics and G1 little brothers:

Decepticons...ATTACK!!!

"See you back at the base" pose I ripped off from Robot Heroes Starscream:

Die, Autobot SCUM!

The Ballad of Wal-Mart Exclusive Masterpiece Starscream...

...or How I Learned to Stop Loving and Star Hating Transformers

October 30, 2007 -Masterpiece Starscream Arrives at Wal-Mart!

Thus it began. A three month long obsession to obtain my most desired bot since Beast Wars lured me back into this plastic orgy lo, so many years ago. With one exception, Starscream is my favorite Decepticon. Since that one exception, Blitzwing, only has one figure to speak of (which I have), I’m on Starscream figures like Michael Jackson on a preschooler...or Michael Bay on a poorly contrived yet flashy action sequence. Not just any shoddy "transforms into a jet and is named Starscream" figure, mind you (this monstrosity comes to mind) but ones that more or less bear at least a passing resemblance to the evil, backstabbing, power-mad, coward Starscream we had circa 1984.

And so with great enthusiasm I undertook my greatest adventure. Okay, so it wasn't really an "adventure" so much as it was a 3 month long guilt-ridden, anger-fueled search that threatened to end just like Boogie Nights...with me on the couch of a semi-naked man, plotting to rob him for crack money before it all goes downhill and I find myself being chased down the street by said semi-naked man (bearing a striking resemblance to a skinny Alfred Molina) with a shotgun. Where was I? Oh, yes. Over the following months, Wal-Mart Exclusive Masterpiece Starscream would become my El Dorado, my Lost Ark, my Holy Grail...my White Whale.

I began what most crackheads collectors call "the hunt." I refer to it by another four letter word, but I try to keep this thing at least PG-13, so… My office is about a mile from a Wal-Mart and I usually have time to head down to the Happiest Place on Earth on my lunch break to see what stuff got unpacked the previous night before scalpers, collectors, parents, children and various other life forms with which I have no sympathy have a chance to clean out the racks/pegs/shelves. You may think that borders on obsession, but it works. And I readily admit to anyone that it absolutely is an obsession (hence the name of my little corner of the intarwebs.)

So I hit Wal-Mart. Two to three times a week. Every week. For two solid months. I went so often that the greeters began to recognize me. When someone whose lone job function is basically to stare at the floor and mutter in a barely audible tone "Hello" whenever they sense human presence begins to recognize you...you might be going to that person's place of employment too much. I'm just sayin'. When that didn't work, I started going to other Wal-Marts. There are something like 2,547 Wal-Marts in the greater Baton Rouge area and I'm betting I went to each one at least once. I had my operatives in other cities checking their Wal-Marts. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. No Joy. When I say "nothing," I don't just mean that thousands of Wal-Mart Exclusive Masterpiece Starscreams appeared in Wal-Marts throughout Louisiana and I just missed them, I mean that I don't believe it ever even appeared in Louisiana, period. I never even saw shelf space or a price sticker dedicated to it.

On Wednesday, November 21, 2007 at around 2:00pm, I received a phone call from my little brother who lives in Tennessee. He was very giddy (like a little girl, he gets like that) and began his phone call by saying, "Guess what I have in my hands RIGHT NOW!" "What?="” I asked. "Masterpiece Starscream!" "Really?" "Guess what I paid for it?" "What?" I asked. "30 BUCKS! It was on clearance!" I hung up on my brother and have not spoken to him since. Smarmy little...

And yet his call filled me with a tiny bit of hope. This happened once before, back when I was searching for a GI Joe 25th Anniversary Firefly figure. At first I couldn’t find one even though reports were going out on message boards that the figure was appearing in stores everywhere. My brother called and told me that he had obtained one, and two short weeks later I finally found one. I figured the pattern would simply repeat. Except it didn't. I muddled through the rest of December, never finding a Wal-Mart Exclusive Masterpiece Starscream in stores.

It was shortly after my brother’s phone call that I hit upon the idea to check and see if Wal-Mart was offering the figure online. I checked every day. Religiously. Nothing. Not even a listing at first. Eventually the figure was posted on their website, but listed as "Out of Stock" or "In Stores Only" or some sort other euphemism that translated to "Screw you, fanboy, these are out of your reach!" They could be bought at various other websites online (including that last refuge of desperate addicts, ebay), but only if you were willing to part with your firstborn child, or at least a substantial amount of cash. So I simply bided my time, hoping that I would one day walk into Wal-Mart and walk out happier and $50 bucks poorer. Patience, as they say, is a virtue (except it isn't.)

Christmas came and went. My parents gave me a $100 check, telling me "We could never find that Mastercraft Star Cream thing you wanted but we saw that this was about how much they were selling for online and figured that you’d be better at getting a good deal, so here you go." I should have been happy and I suppose I was at least grateful, but it was the principle of the thing. Double the retail price! The very idea!

I guess the kicker, the thing that pushed me over the very edge, came on January 2, 2008. By this time I was checking Walmart.com multiple times per day to see if it was in stock and getting the same result, listed but not "in stock." I went home from work on New Year’s Eve, finally resigned to the fact that I would never own Wal-Mart Exclusive Masterpiece Starscream. I didn't even look at my computer on January 1st. My wife, unbeknownst to me, checked Walmart.com that day just to see if it was in stock so I'd quit whining about it (it was not and I did not). The next day I was counting on a slow work day, so instead of going through my normal routine (checking e-mail, voice messages, etc.) I logged on to the geek-o-sphere that is the tfans.com message boards. There it was, a thread titled "Wal-Mart Exclusive Starscream in stock at walmart.com." By this time I had the page for Starscream bookmarked, so I just called it up. "Out of Stock. DAMN! Somehow, between the time my wife checked walmart.com the night before (around 6pm) and 8am the next day, it was gone. Still, I held out hope. Maybe there’s something wrong with my cache, maybe there’s gremlins in my computer, maybe the page I'm looking at isn't refreshing for some reason, THROW ME A BONE HERE! I clicked "refresh" on that page at least 3,000 times over the next four hours. I did it one last time, right before I went to lunch.

"In Stock"

I rubbed my eyes, stared in disbelief. I asked myself, "Is this really happening? After months of fruitless searching, restless nights, uneaten meals, heartburn, nausea, indigestion, upset stomach, diarr..." "SHUT THE HELL UP AND ORDER THE DAMN THING ALREADY!" a voice snapped in my head. I did. I'm not what you would call and optimist, so I wouldn't let myself relax until I got the order confirmation e-mail from Wal-Mart, which I did a few hours later. I went to bed that night and slept for the first time in what felt like years. And it all came unraveled the next day. In my inbox the next morning was an email from Wal-Mart informing me that my order was on backorder. After replacing the monitor and keyboard I just threw across the room, I decided that was enough. I had 100 bucks with which to purchase a Wal-Mart Exclusive Masterpiece Starscream and, by God, I was going to use it.

The best deal I could find was 77 bucks shipped, which I guess wasn't too bad. This was at Amazon Marketplace. While checking out I also got a sweet little offer where if I signed up for an Amazon credit card, I would get a $30 credit towards my purchase. $47 total for an item that has caused me such grief over the last few months? Yes, please. Order placed, order confirmed, shipping confirmed, Heavyarms happy. It was all over but the waiting. Or so I thought.

My package arrived and when I lifted it up, I could hear something rattling around inside. I tried to remain positive, maybe its just something that came loose, it CAN'T be broken. I willed it not to be broken. I ate supper figuring my patience would, somehow, cure the terrible affliction my newly arrived item was suffering. I took Starscream's box out of the package and saw the loose bit, but couldn't figure out where it could have come from. "Maybe its an extra part, like you get with a LEGO set sometimes." Desperate times, desperate thoughts. I picked up the box and immediately noticed that the factory-applied tape had been cut and the package had been re-taped with that tell-tale packing tape that says "Someone returned this to Wal-Mart, and Wal-Mart just stuck it back on the shelf because Wal-Mart don't give a damn." After taking Starscream out of the package, he was missing a part. The loose part that was in the package was the opposite part from the other side of the figure. I felt like Ralphie after he just shot his eye out with his brand new Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-Shot Range-Model Air Rifle. Near as I can figure, someone bought a Starscream, lost a part, purchased a second figure. Not being bright enough to figure out which one he/she needed, they took both parts out of that box, put back the one they didn’t need, and returned the second Starscream to Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart, not giving a crap that the box has been opened, re-taped it and stuck it back on the shelf. Another person walks into Wal-Mart, sees it sitting on the shelf and decides to sell it online and make a tidy little profit. The planets align just so and the messed up figure falls into my lap. I contacted Hasbro about the possibility of obtaining a replacement for the missing part and was told that since it is a "Store Exclusive," they couldn't help get a replacement part. I decided to return the figure to the seller and get a refund, which the seller was happy to do. I won't give you my exact feelings on the person that returned that figure to Wal-Mart sans part, but I will say I hope their future holds in store an accident involving his or her genitals and a bottle of Super Glue.

But this story is not a sad story, dear reader. You see, right after this all went down I got an e-mail from Wal-Mart telling me my order had been shipped. About 8 days later I got an e-mail telling me my order was ready to be picked up (I used Site-to-Store to save on the shipping charges) and so, dutifully reported to my local Wal-Mart to pick up my Wal-Mart Exclusive Masterpiece Starscream. The gentleman helping me retrieve my order "from the back" was very pleasant. Upon opening the box to verify its contents, he eyed it thoughtfully for a moment. I thought this was going to be another one of those "Man, I remember these! I had them all! Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Megatron! All three of them! Instead, he raised an eyebrow and asked, "Is this for a child?" I said, "Nope, it’s for me." I was beaming like I was going to hold my newborn son for the first time. The gentleman looked at me, if only for a split second, like I had just told him I was going to eat his mother for dinner and his pet poodle for desert. Then, in a manner similar to the hushed tone I imagine someone would use to say "Hey, I’m an alcoholic, too" upon meeting a a fellow alcoholic, Mr. Helpful replies "Yeah, I collect some stuff, too. Mostly NASCAR stuff." As if walking down to the toy aisle and grabbing one of the hundreds, hell, THOUSANDS of readily available $3 die-cast cars is even comparable to the robophilia Transformers collectors like myself suffer. However, I didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings, so I just gave him one of those nods that say "I know where you’re comin’ from, bro."

Transformers Movie: Evac

For my main thoughts on Evac see my previous post re: Transformers Movie Incinerator. Just substitute the word "Evac" everywhere it says "Incinerator." Well, except for the part where I talk about not having any hands, you can come back here after that...

Back? Good. So, I didn't really care for the Voyager-size Blackout figure. The movie characters, to me at least, look like giant bugs, walking clumps of auto parts, or giant wads of aluminum foil. Part of what appealed to me with G1 Transformers (and most characters from subsequent lines) was the fact that, though they were alien robots, they were very human in their appearance. I think these two figures return to that original aura the Transformers I've come to know had. Or at least they come close.

The toy representation of Blackout's whirling blade weapon thingy didn't really work for Blackout. But it does work for Evac. I don't know why, but it does. Don't argue, just go with it. Evac is love, plain and simple. Pure, plastic love.

Transformers Movie: Incinerator

Okay. I admit it. I have hated the Movie figures. I just don't dig the Bayness of them (thank's teresa!) In fact, of the few Movie toys I do own, none of them actually appeared in the film in the form in which I own them (see First Strike Optimus Prime). But the newest wave of Voyager-size "Allspark Power" figures...I'm really starting to dig these. I also have to admit that if you take a Transformer and give him a sweet alt-mode (like, say, a V-22 Osprey), I can be sucked in.

So, when I walked in to Wal-Mart and saw Incinerator sitting on the shelf I had to put him in the basket. Reading Lamezoid's blog, plus a few others, I noticed a few who were expressing reservations about some of his shortcomings. Namely, the fact that he don't got no hands.

Normally, I'm really put off by Transformers that are missing body parts. Hands, feet, personalities, what have you. But for some reason, maybe it's the sweet alt-mode, maybe its the fact that he has a smirk on his face, I really don't mind it so much on Incinerator. I'm really glad I got him, and that's not something I can say for some of the other Movie toys I own.

A word of caution, though. Be careful when transforming him. There are two pieces you have to transform in the knee area, and one is attached to the other by a very small peg. If you don't do these parts in the correct order, you are going to break that peg. I did on one leg. It isn't something that really affects the figure, or is even noticeable, but it is something to be aware of.

Transformers Movie: First Strike Optimus Prime

I don't like the movie toys. I own four toys from the movie line and none of them because they were in the movie. I have the Target-exclusive G1-themed Jazz, which I got because it's alt mode is a really sweet homage to G1 Jazz. I have the Real Gear Booster X10 because it's a really sweet homage to G1 Laserbeak. I have Ironhide because I want to turn this one into a really sweet homage to G1 Trailbreaker (currently in progress). And finally, I have the Voyager class First Strike Optimus Prime because he's a really sweet homage to G1 (and most subsequent) Optimus Primes.

I have to admit, even though I'm not crazy (read: HATE) the Bayformer aesthetic, I do dig this toy. His vehicle mode is really awesome and it makes me want to run out and buy a Kenworth and paint it just like this and drive around, giving all 10 year old boys a hearty thumbs up and blast from the airhorn and all 31 year old, overweight Comic Book Guy look alikes heart attacks.

While I refuse to grant Baytimus Prime and his toy incarnations admittance to the Studio 54 that is my toy robot room, the bouncer will wave this version right on in.

Transformers Generation One Insecticons

Insecticons really are (for me, at least) the epitome of what it is to be a Decepticon. Slightly off balance, mentally unstable, purple, wicked and nasty enough to be dangerous but too consumed by their own fear/anger/hate/greed/paranoia to ever triumph over good (Nevermind what Dark Helmet said, evil doesn't always triumph over good because sometimes evil is just as dumb.)

I'm really proud of this little set of plastic minions, they only set me back about $35 bucks total. I've just now gotten to a point where I can really concentrate on these and begin their "rehabilitation" process. First up will be removal all their chromed pieces for shipping to a friend of mine for reconditioning (it's good to be friends with car modeling enthusiasts). After that will be a good sanding and buffing of all the black and yellow plastic. Finally will be some brand new stickers courtesy of Reprolabels.

While we're at it, here's a look at the box that came with my Kickback. I bought this Kickback on ebay for about 10 bucks and, to be honest, the fact that the box was included wasn't a real big selling point for me. This box didn't even come with an insert or anything. If you look closely, you can see that the window is falling out. I never really understood why people keep boxes. It's one thing if you're a total tool and keep all your stuff MISP or MIB or whatever-the-hell. But when the box is all beat up and dented...I don't get it. Yet, strangely, I've had Kickback for about 5 months and I have yet to get rid of this crappy box.

You can't see it, but there's even yellowed tape on the back of the box, which is an especially nice touch. I'm thinking of sending this one to Evil King Macrocranios over at Please Save Me Robots. Looks like he has some sort of fetish compulsion for this sort of thing.

Revoltech Convoy (Optimus Prime)

The only thing I don't like about this figure is that he doesn't have Revoltech shoulder joints, which makes some poses a little hard to pull off.

One shall stand...one shall fall!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Revoltech Megatron

I like Revoltech.

Transformers: Robot Heroes Decepticon Sneak Attack

Continuing on with Hasbro's Robot Heroes G1 themed Transformer figures, this is a Wal-Mart Exclusive 5-pack that retails(ed?) for $9.99, and consists solely of repaints. Cliffjumper is the (inevitable) repaint of the Robot Heroes Bumblebee figure. Optimus Prime is a repaint of his 2-pack incarnation with a slightly brighter paint scheme (I prefer the 2-pack version.) Megatron gets a metallic paint scheme this time around, and looks much better than the 2-pack version. Skywarp is a repaint of the Starscream/Thundercracker figure. You either like Seeker repaints or you don't. I do, I know others don't.

Mirage is a clear version of the 2-pack version and, truth be told, I'd have paid 10 bucks for this figure alone. He's just plain awesome.

Star Wars Darktrooper

I confess, I haven't really been paying much attention to the Star Wars action figure scene, there's just too much out there in peg-warmer territory for me. Except for Stormtroopers and the occasional wacky/off-the-wall figure, I really don't get too excited over Star Wars figures any more, and I don't keep up with what is coming out, when, at all. (Vehicles are another matter, I really, really want the TRU Exclusive Y-Wing, Darth Vader's TIE Fighter, and the Target Exclusive Battle of Hoth AT-ST pack.)

I saw this guy sitting on the pegs at Wal-Mart. I like the Darktrooper design, and I guess this goes back to the days when I used to sit hunched over my old Win 95 PC and wasted time playing Dark Forces. Whatever the reason, I snatched this figure up and ripped him open when I got home. I really have mixed feelings about the figure, though. On the one hand, it is a very striking design; bulky, larger than the av-er-age bear, and sort of gives you the impression of a 'roided out Stormtrooper (and not "'roided out" in a bad way like the figures from the late '90's POTF2 action figures.) On the other hand, it has the same poseability as the Star Wars figures we all grew up with in the 80's. It has a whopping five points of articulation, the neck, the shoulders, and the hips. For this reason, the Darktrooper can hold extremely exciting, striking poses like this one...

...and...well, that's about it. Visions of putting him in sweet, Battlefront II mid-jump poses quickly evaporated. The sad thing is, the thing is big enough to have put some elbow, knee, and ankle joints. It's a nice four inch tall statue and that's about it. Actually, now that I think about it, my old Stormtroopers from the 80's don't have neck joints, so the Darktrooper is one up on them. SCORE!

Revoltech Roy Fokker's VF-1S Strike Valkyrie

I love Robotech/Macross. I love VF-1 Valkyries. I love Revoltech. So why shouldn't I love this Revoltech Macross VF-1 Valkyrie?

This thing is pure plastic joy. And it comes with just about anything you could want for a VF-1, including its very own little Revoltech-y FAST pack. The only shortcoming is that it doesn't transform, but that's not what Revoltech figures are about in the first place. If you want a cool transforming Valkyrie that won't set you back 90 bucks, check out Toynami's offerings. If you want a Valkyrie figure that will get into just about any iconic Robotech pose you can think of, this one is for you.

Revoltech has yet to disappoint me. Sure, I have to whip out the Dremel every now and then to get every joint perfect, but that's a minor quibble when the figures are so much fun to play with. I spent about an hour just putting my VF-1 into any pose I could think of and I only quit because my wife and kids were giving me funny looks. This may just replace my Toynami Valk as my favorite Robotech toy.

Transformers Movie Jazz G1 Repaint

The other day at Target I noticed they had a bunch of the Movie Jazz G1 Repaints on clearance. I've stayed clear of the movie toys for the most part, I'm really not crazy about the new movie character designs and they don't really translate well to toy form. However, since the deluxe-size figures are packaged in vehicle mode, this one grabbed my attention. And at a clearance price of 7 bucks, I couldn't pass it up. I've got to say that out of the package and in my hands, Jazz's alt-mode looks pretty sweet and is a darn good homage to his G1 incarnation.

Unfortunately, any sweetness points Jazz gets for his awesome alt-mode are completely lost because of this monstrosity...

While I don't like the movie designs, I thought Jazz was actually kind of sleek and athletic looking in the film. Unfortunately, the toy's bot mode is stocky and, like one of my old high school girlfriends he's got thunder-thighs. What the hell is up with his hands? He doesn't even hold his "sword" (as the packaging describes his weapon, even though it is painfully obvious this is a sniper-rifle)(albeit, assembled with an upside down barrel) in his hand, it attaches to a hole on the inside of the forearm. I'm really leaning toward getting Takara/Tomy's Encore Jazz that will be released later this year/early next year (I forget) just to make up for this...thing. Jazz gets an "A+" for alt-mode, and "F-" for bot-mode. I doubt I'll ever take him out of alt-mode again.

GI Joe 25th Anniversary Firefly

Oooh, I hope they come out with Firefly! That was my first reaction when Hasbro announced the 25th Anniversary GI Joe line. This guy has always been my favorite Joe character. Something about his "makes no guarantees and gives no refunds" story just appealed to me. Yeah, the body is just a repaint of the 25A Beachhead figure, and the head is just a repaint of 5-pack Storm Shadow (and, curiously, Beachhead's head would have been perfect), but I still love this figure. I'd been making daily trips to Wal-Mart on my lunch break in hopes of finding him, and finally gave up about a week ago. Then I stopped by Target this weekend and there he was, hidden behind some Storm Shadows.

Words can't describe how awesome this figure is. It's not the most advanced figure ever, nor the most detailed, but as far as play factor and the ability to hold kick-ass poses, I'd rank him right up there with Classics Mirage and my Toynami VF-1A Valkyrie (pictures of that one to come). So here Firefly is in all his awesome, saboteur-ish badassedness.

Yamato Macross VF-19 Game Color Edition

Alright, this one's dedicated to the The King. I picked this up a few years ago on eBay. I won't mention where I got it, because they sent me the wrong thing twice before sending the right item. I had to pay to ship it back to them twice, and I didn't even get a shipping refund!

It's probably the best looking and least fun Variable fighter I own. It's partially die-cast. It's heavy. Because of its design, I ended up chipping some of the paint of during the first trasformation. To top it off, some of the gray plastic is starting to yellow. I keep this thing in a room that the sun never shines directly on. I keep the blinds drawn at all times, and it still yellowed slightly. GAH!!!

Some robo-plastico die-castico love. Hail to the King, baby!

Star Wars 30th Anniversary Boba Fett

I'm usually not too big on repaints. Not because I don't like them, but because the obsessive compulsive in me would want to get them all (which is why I've avoided the Episode II version Clone Trooper, I'd have to get the blue one, then the red one, then the yellow one, then the green one, it never ends.)

However, I'm a sucker for Boba Fett. Not because he kicked butt in the movies or anything, just because he's one of those guys in the Star Wars Universe that as a kid you like to dream up his back story and imagine him in all sorts of bounty hunting adventures. Pretty much every Boba Fett action figure Hasbro has released up to this point has sucked (not counting the original one my dad got me and stashed in the glove compartment of his Chevy Nova when I was 6), from the 'roided out versions from the 90's to the permanently bent-elbowed version released prior to this figure. However, this one is almost perfect, from the dented armor to the proportions (not bulky, not too tall).

When I first saw pictures of the Animated Debut version, I was kind of "meh" on it. However, I had to snag it when I actually saw it up close. I like the muted color scheme and it really makes this figure stand out, if that makes any sense. Hasbro even changed the Boba Fett's cape a little bit. Where the movie version is tattered and frayed, the Animated Debut is neatly trimmed. Plastic addicts can pick up either one of these without fear of being disappointed.

GI Joe 25th Anniversary Cobra Legions 5-Pack

I really like the Cobra Commander in this set. Not being too keen on GI Joe lore (except for what me and my brother dreamed up when we played with ours as kids), I think if this one as a kind of ceremonial dress, like for when a Cobra Trooper is promoted to the ranks of the Crimson Guard or something. I also like the Cobra Vehicle Driver since he's a little different than your standard blueshirt.

Of the three Storm Shadows released thus far, this is my least favorite version. The Air Trooper is a cool concept, but its a little hard to get around the "gas mask" helmet. I wish Hasbro would just go ahead and release the Cobra Trooper found in the first Cobra 5-pack with the standard black webgear and red Cobra Logo, the one in this pack is just a mediocre substitute.

Heroes of Cybertron Keychains

Found these on clearance at Wal-Mart. Picked up 3 Brawns, 2 Cliffjumpers, and a Windcharger. Sadly, no Bumblebees were to be had. I really like these little guys, even with those big ugly loops (where the key chain attaches.) I forgot how cool Cliffjumper and Windcharger were as figures. I forgot how lame Brawn was...

Transformers on a Budget...or...How to Pick up Creepy Male Wal-Mart Cashiers

I was visiting a Wal-Mart that usually has a nice stock roboty goodness, I guess there aren't very many fellow addicts that go to this store to pick the place over. I hit the jackpot...there was major Tranformer stock on clearance, everything but Movie toys. They had some of the Heroes of Cybertron key chains, I picked up three Brawns, two Cliffjumpers and a Windcharger (no Bumblebees *sniff*), and even found a 'bot I'd been looking for for a long time, Classics Grimlock. (They still have a bunch of DVD Primes and Primuses [Primii?] so if anyone wants...) <> I decided to go back a few days later to see if they had any more Classics figures so I could double up and not steal them from my son anymore. They must have had a few left in the back, because there was another Grimlock PLUS a Cliffjumper, which I promptly picked up and put in my buggy.

I went through the self-checkout lane when there was a problem. They weren't ringing up on Clearance. Screw that! I don't need Cliffjumper THAT bad. (I'm glad I got him, though.) I decided to void those off and just get my stick of deodorant and split. No dice, the register decided that I couldn't just not want the toys anymore, one of Wal-Mart's highly trained professionals was going to have to come punch in a 4-digit code to verify that I, indeed, did not want the figures anymore. The guy came up, balding, mid-40s, "You collect Tranformers?" Ah jeez. The only thing I hate more than kids that ask me that question is grown-ups that ask me that question. Through trial-and-error I have found the response that usually diffuses the situation "Nah, I just buy them for my son." Usually that shuts up any inquisitive post-pubescent.

This guy wasn't having any of it. "Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with it even if you did. I think they're cool." I decided that I needed to look more like a responsible adult and less like a pathetic loser, so I switched to concerned consumer mode. "Well, I came in this weekend and bought one of these for my son (emphatically emphasized). They were ringing up on clearance, but they aren't now." "Really? That's strange. Yeah, because I seen these things on sale. Let me check on them."

Okay, I can play around for a little bit if its going to save me some money. He called an even more professional Floor Manager over and explained what was going on. She seemed unconcerned. "Well, we have price changes ALL THE TIME!" she huffed. Hang on, chick. I'll let it slide that your computer is messed up and isn't ringing up on clearance when it should, but I'll be damned if you're going to tell me that the prices were changed when they were on the CLEARANCE aisle this weekend and they're still on the CLEARANCE aisle today. "Really?" I asked innocently, "because these are over on the CLEARANCE aisle with all the other stuff that's on CLEARANCE. That's where they were this weekend. Seems like stuff in the CLEARANCE aisle would, you know, be on CLEARANCE." I punctuated "CLEARANCE."

"Yeah, well, we have price changes all the time," (Which is bullcrap because Deluxe Tranformers have been the same price since Armada came out), and walked away.

I returned my attention to the cashier guy. "Don't worry," he said, "I'm going to get these things for you on clearance. I'm just going to call the toy manager." "Look, don't worry about it," I said, "I don't have to have them." "Oh, no, I'm going to get these the right price. You seem like a pretty cool guy. I want to help you out."

Uhhh...okay?

"I'm just going to call the floor manager, and if she don't want to fix it, I'll just override it and do it anyway." "Hey, I really appreciate it, dude." (We're all just guys here, right?) "I don't mind doing it at all. Like I said, you seem like an okay guy. You just remember that I treated you right."

Are there any witnesses around for when this guy decides to rape me?

So I got my toys on sale, but now I have to face the difficult decision, do I settle for picked-over and scalped stores, or should I try to brave the waters where some mid-40's, toy-obsessed weirdo (hey, wait a second!), tries to hit on me again.